tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
