If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
