YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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