doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
