I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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