He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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