zippers are such a cool invention
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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