i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
