Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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