This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
