thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
