I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
