No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
