Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
