Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
