I wish i was in the wii world.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
