dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
