im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Of course I have a pirate flag
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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