MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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