watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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