Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
