Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
