Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
