I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
