Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
