who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
a search helicopter?!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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