no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
