the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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