theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
