Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
