cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
