I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
