i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
