Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
