If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
