booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
