All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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