YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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