Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
