You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
MIDGETS
????
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
