Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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