so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
