"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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