I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
