The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
