Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
