no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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