I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
