We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
