u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
