you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
