He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
did i just pee glitter
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
